For years, Katrina Dodge and her mother Gabriele have been able to talk about anything and everything, but recently there has been some strain in their relationship over the issue of separatism.
Katrina, who grew up in Nanton and now lives in Calgary, is a proponent of Alberta remaining in Canada. But the majority of her family, including her mother Gabriele, is voting for a second, binding referendum on independence to be held.
“It’s a little bit isolating, obviously. It’s a bit anxiety-inducing at times,” Katrina said.
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While Katrina said it doesn’t make family dinners or gatherings awkward, she said it can sometimes be tense, adding it can be tricky to navigate conversations with her family.
Katrina Dodge is in favour of Alberta staying in Canada. (Peter Evans/CBC)
“Sometimes there’s taking pause and really listening to find a point where I can interject with an opposing view or try to lend some other ways to look at things, to sort of foster more understanding,” she said.
Mom Gabriele said she and Katrina have come to an understanding.
“She knows how I feel and I know how she feels so we try not to get into each other’s … spaces where she feels uncomfortable or I feel uncomfortable,” Gabriele said.
Guardrails often play an important role in their relationship.
“We have learned to say that ‘This is too personal’ or ‘This bothers me. Can we change the subject?’ And we usually do,” she said.
Gabriele Dodge is voting for Alberta to hold a second, binding referendum on independence. (Peter Evans/CBC)
While Katrina said her family is kind and respectful of their political differences, she admits it can be trying.
“I definitely try to check in with my body and ask, ‘Do I have the emotional, mental capacity for this? Am I super tired and cranky? Do I need a snack before I have a deep sort of debate?” she said.
Whereas mom Gabriele said a healthy respect goes a long way.
“She has a right to her feelings and opinions and I feel I have a right to mine … If we get too close to what we know hurts the other, we kind of give a sign or we say, ‘Okay you’re now saying something that’s not fair’ and we stop,” she said.
Separatism has dominated conversations in Alberta for months and recent data shows it is affecting relationships.
Numbers from Abacus Data from September show 23 per cent of those surveyed said conversations about separatism have strained relationships while 38 per cent say they have avoided bringing up the issue over worries it would lead to an argument.
One thousand Albertans were surveyed between Sept. 4 to 7. The report has a margin of error of roughly plus or minus 3.1% points, 19 times out of 20.
CEO David Coletto said it’s clear there are deep divides over the issue and calls the numbers “concerning.”
David Coletto is the CEO of Abacus Data. (Olivier Hyland/CBC)
“I think they reflect the reality of a moment that’s highly emotionally charged on both sides and what can happen when that gets in between a relationship,” he said.
While focus has been on the lead-up to referendum day, there is some worry over what happens in its aftermath.
“Most Albertans also believe that no matter what happens on October 19th, that this debate and this tension and this divide is going to continue for some time. There’s not a lot of hope that, if there is a clear majority who want to stay in Canada, that this is going to go away the next day,” Coletto said.
Vanessa Goodchild, a registered psychologist with Solace Psychology and Wellness, said separatism’s impact on relationships is presenting itself more often during sessions with clients.
“There can be resentment and frustration if your family members don’t agree with you and with your viewpoint,” she said.
Vanessa Goodchild is a registered psychologist and owner of Solace Psychology and Wellness. (Kevin Sabiston/CBC)
Goodchild said it should be less about trying to change their mind and more about learning how to agree to disagree, adding that open communication and setting boundaries can be key.
“It’s not about stepping away from your family or cutting them off. It’s just about protecting your relationship with your family and not doing something that you may regret later,” she said.
Goodchild suggests families should focus on doing activities everyone enjoys, such as family walks or family dinners, and having conversations about other day-to-day things.
“Don’t let any kind of political disagreement really define your relationship because there’s other things that you value with this person or within this relationship,” she said.
Even though family dynamics have been affected, Katrina said she doesn’t believe the debate over Alberta independence has pulled her family apart.
“I know that we still love each other at the end of the day. We can have conversations, which I think is so important,” she said, adding that engagement with diverse opinion is important.
“That’s the only way we can really learn and grow and move forward and you can’t really change minds but you can … use your mind.”
For Gabriele, family will always trump politics.
“Politicians change and political parties change but my family doesn’t. My children are my children and they’re going to stay my children and I love them dearly,” she said.
