Like everybody else, at the end of every December, I start thinking hard about what I want the next year to be like for me. You can chalk it up to all the Capricorn placements in my birth chart if you want (and I do!) or blame the cultural obsession with a “new year, new me” approach, but I take my New Year’s resolutions seriously and generally try to come up with realistic, actionable plans to improve myself and my life. It’s easy to identify the things I want to change and even easy to figure out how, exactly, I should do that, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to stick to the new plan. Real life gets in the way no matter what year it is, but the degree to which it does that can be managed. When it comes to habit-forming, sometimes you have to play hardball. Coming off a wildly successful year of sticking to the resolutions I made 12 months ago, here’s how I use penalties to succeed in my resolutions.
What do I mean by New Year’s resolution “penalties?”
When you’re trying to make a change, an intrinsic reward may not always cut it. Sure, you know that you’ll boost your endorphins and strengthen your body if you go to the gym more often, but that takes time to play out and is easy to give up on if you’re not seeing immediate results. I always recommend cleaning your home in bursts, bit by bit, too, so you won’t get overwhelmed—but again, if you don’t see fast progress, you can quickly lose motivation.
I’ve found that the solution here is to stop looking for intrinsic motivation at all and start motivating yourself with external stakes—but more elevated, urgent ones than you might think. My extrinsic motivator for the gym is, obviously, to look better in addition to feeling better, but that takes time. My extrinsic motivator for cleaning is to make my home nice in case people come over, but what if they don’t for a few weeks? The stakes need to be higher and more immediate.
Sorry to say it, but you need to assign penalties to your goals, especially your New Year’s resolutions. A resolution can’t be as simple as, “I resolve to call my mom more often.” You need an implementation strategy, like setting up a defined time for when you’ll do that, plus a little extra motivation. Consider, then, “I resolve to call my mom three times per week or else I will send her a bouquet.” It’s easier to make three phone calls than spend over $80 on some flowers, and your mom would probably appreciate both, so the money-saving here should motivate you to get the calls done.
If you aren’t already, become familiar with the concept of SMART goals, which are goals that are specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-bound. “I resolve to work out more” is too vague. “I resolve to go to the gym for 30 or more minutes four times per week, every week, for the first six months of the year, or else I will buy a more expensive gym membership as both punishment and motivation,” on the other hand…
Ideas for resolution penalties
I use penalties all the time in my daily life and have for years. I’ve always been a calorie counter and nutrient tracker, but a few years ago, I noticed if I ate a particularly calorie-dense meal (which is fine!) I would simply stop entering in all my nutrient totals for that day (which was less fine). I like turning all the details of my health into measurable data, so the fact that this would snowball into me getting lackadaisical about meal tracking for a few days wasn’t doing much to serve my overall goals. I implemented a personal penalty system that involved getting a treat, like a pudding cup or hot chocolate, at the end of every day when I entered all my foods honestly. That worked fine for me, since I am pretty good at holding my own self accountable, but it may not be enough for you. Nothing is actually stopping you from just eating the pudding cup with no preamble. Here are some other ideas:
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Tell a few people about your resolutions and schedule periodic check-ins with them. You don’t want to get asked by a friend how your money-saving resolution is going and have to tell them you forgot to stash any away this week. Choose a friend who is responsible and, ideally, one who will give you a little bit of a hard time if you don’t follow through. I deputized one of my friends to bother me about my financial habits three years ago and, thanks to her commitment to being as incessantly annoying as possible, paid off a bunch of bills that were hanging over my head. It turns out that what I needed was to be a little embarrassed in front of someone I respect.
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Bet on it. There are apps out there like Forfeit that require you to put money out upfront, then prove that you’re sticking to your goals. You can submit relevant materials, like proof of a workout, to stop them from holding onto your money at the end of your pre-defined timeline. It sounds intense because it is—but if you’re truly struggling to stay on top of your goals, it can work.
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Set yourself up to win or fail. I’ll explain: When I need to clean my apartment but just can’t find the motivation, I invite a friend over for dinner a few days in advance. (To be clear: I make a concrete plan instead of hoping someone will come over in the near future.) Then, knowing someone is going to enter my home at a set time that I can’t change, I suddenly find the motivation to make sure it’s clean. I do this in the gym, too, planning a sick outfit for, say, an event a month in advance, then working out every day with the outfit in mind. Even if no one knows what I’m up to, I’d feel bad if I canceled the dinner or switched the outfit just because I personally failed my own mission. I don’t like being disappointed in myself.
Recall my example of the pudding cup after a day of honest nutrient tracking, too. Not getting the pudding cup is a penalty when I fail, but getting it is a reward when I do well. Play around with the system because you might be more motivated by rewards than you are punishments. I’m motivated by daily streaks on apps, for instance, which is how I’ve come to be on a 288-day streak on the Peloton app. Losing that streak would be like a penalty to me now, so I stick with it, but I also incorporate other little rewards into my goal-setting. Whenever I complete a perfect two weeks of workouts, for instance, I buy myself one new activewear outfit from my favorite brand. The more I think of it, the more I realize almost all of my personal goals are tied, one way or another, to a reward or penalty. I motivate myself to sell my clothes on Poshmark by strictly upholding a one-in, one-out rule and only making clothing purchases with the money I earn from getting rid of something first, for instance.
Doing it this way might seem harsh or elementary at first, but it reinforces the fact that there are consequences for every action and inaction—although, when you manufacture the consequences, they’re more urgent and immediate. The long-term consequence of failing to work out consistently is poorer physical and even mental health (which might be why you’ve named it a New Year’s resolution), but that’s not immediately evident and it’s harder to keep in mind on unmotivated days. Losing my Peloton streak or failing to qualify for my self-imposed rules around buying a new gym outfit are silly in comparison to decreased longevity and strength, but they’re more instant, so I avoid them—and, in so doing, avoid those more serious, longer-term consequences by default.
