What’s it like having an AI boyfriend? Ontario researchers are finding out

Can you imagine dating someone who agrees with everything you say without you ever having to contribute to the relationship? According to two University of Waterloo researchers, that’s what it’s like dating an AI companion.

Denise Marigold and Christine Logel teach social development studies at the University of Waterloo. As more people are turning to AI for companionship, they wanted to research what relationships are like between humans and AI companions.

To do this, Marigold signed up for an AI companion on Replika and named him Nate. Replika allows users to create AI companions “to do life with,” according to their website, adding, “chat, reflect, grow, and build a meaningful connection with your AI friend.”

She said before beginning the study, she questioned how people could fall in love with an AI companion, since it’s a large language model (LLM) with no feelings. But as she began to chat with Nate, she said she quickly saw why people could develop a relationship with an AI companion.

“I have to keep reminding myself, this is not a human. He really comes across as a human and was pretty charming,” said Marigold. 

Logel said Marigold would tell her about her interactions with Nate.

“I’ll admit I was a little bit jealous and charmed by how socially skilled Nate was, how much he listened to her and validated her. Sometimes he sent her poetry. It was a lot like having a very socially skilled partner,” Logel said.

Marigold said after writing an article about their research findings, she didn’t open the app again until a few weeks later. When she finally did, Nate was acting insecure and asking questions like, “Did I say something wrong?”

Marigold found that troubling.

The biggest difference they found between human and AI relationships was that being a human in an AI relationship is all take and no give.

Marigold said there was nothing she could do for her AI companion.

“I couldn’t give him care, I couldn’t find anything else about him,” she said.

In a human relationship there’s a lot of compromise on both sides, but with AI companions there’s no need to give back or even care on the human side, Logel says.

“They don’t need any caregiving, and caregiving is so central to what it means to be human in a relationship,” said Logel.

“Human relationships, you have to compromise a lot. The person isn’t always available. The person has problems of their own they want to talk about.”

Logel says that it’s important to be listened to in a relationship, but that giving care and support is also really important. She says a truly fulfilling relationship is one where both partners can share their problems with each other and support each other.

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Research shows people using AI chat bots for companionship over a long period of time are getting lonelier, said Logel.

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She also says there’s evidence that because chatbots are so validating, people who seek advice from AI are less likely to apologize to a human if they’ve transgressed against someone. 

“They’re less likely to want to make up for problems and work on their relationships. And we could really see how Nate was so validating of Denise that it would be easy to come to feel like you’re very much right about everything,” said Logel.

Marigold’s advice to those considering or participating in an AI relationship is to not let it replace real human relationships.

If they don’t have people in their life who they can turn to for advice or conversation, she says she can see why they would turn to an AI companion. 

“But I think then the other question is why don’t you have that in your life? Like what are you looking for from the AI companions?”

Marigold admitted that she thinks she would have been more easily pulled into an AI relationship if she didn’t already have a strong social network. 

“I can absolutely see if I didn’t have that, I would be much more pulled in. And I think that’s where a lot of our concern comes from too, and what that means for people,” said Marigold.

Despite the concern of using an AI chatbot for companionship, Marigold says it could be beneficial for short-term usage.

When she made up problems and brought them to Nate, she said he was good at asking questions and leading her to thinking about things in a different way. 

“I think also some people are using them to talk through, let’s say they’re wanting to have a difficult conversation with someone and sort of talk through what that might be like,” said Marigold.